JaYNE RulEs...!!!... the toiLEt. *

Friday, May 26, 2006

~ Cry for me. I'm losing my (anal) Virginity - The Act~

730am
2 slices of white bread with jam
2 laxative pills

8am - 1030am
Hell. I was supposed to drink 2 packets of powdery laxative dissolved in 2 litres of water within 2 hrs. That was the most horrible, grossest and gosh, most voluminous thingy I've ever drank all my life. Alec said it smelt like blood. Mum said it tasted salty and sweet. I thought it tasted like plastic and rubbery water, mixed with salt and sugar. And I had to gulp 2 whole litres of it. I swept the floor to distract myself. Then I started to lao sai for more than 20 times. After the tenth time or so, I started to pee through my anus. As in everything that gushed out was yellowish water. It was a weird feeling.

1030 am
Alec finally arrived. He was late!!! I was already down to my last half a cup by then which means that he wasn't around to offer me emotional support when I was drowning in the first 1.8litres of plastic water. I was almost in tears. But then again, it wasn't his fault that I'm perpetually constipating so I let him off. Just this once okai.

1035 am
I finished sweeping the floor. There wasn't much to do except to lao sai and read the papers. Alec ate fried bee hoon with his fave sunny-side-up and chicken wings. OK. Plastic water vs. yummy fried bee hoon. What is this man. He eats all the carbo and protein and hardly any veges and fruits. While I'm the health-freak who takes at least 4 servings of fruits and veges everyday. Plus I lug my water bottle wherever I go. And what happens? He's perpetually diarrhoaing and I'm perpetually constipating. Do theory and practice really have such vast discrepancy??!

11am
We watched the recorded Korean drama 18-yr-old Bride. So cute and sweet!

145pm
Set off to TTSH. *Nervous*

230pm
At TTSH. I lao saied another 3 times before I the act. The nurse told me it would take about 3 hrs so I told alec to go shopping. But he didn't and hung around the area. What a sweetie. Again, I must have been a benevolent merchant in my previous life. Amitabha.

3pm
In the theatre. There were about 6-7 doctors and nurses. All of them did what they had to do simultaneously and they succeeded in getting me confused. One of them cliped on the blood pressure machine onto my arms, another was setting up the machine and was plugging in this huge long thing which I believe was Mr. Endoscope, which was to be poked into my anus and would be cruising through my intestines. One of the doctors pushed the oxygen tubes into my nostrils. Damn pain can. Felt like very cold aircon blowing right into the upper part of the nostrils. Ouch. Then the lead doctor applied some alcohol on my right hand, gave me a jab, and within seconds, my world turned into darkness.

4 plus
What a good sleep. I needed that. Ouch my anus hurts. Ouch my stomache hurts. Argh I need to pee. And maybe shit. I called for the nurse but I wasn't allowed to get out of bed. So she gave me the tub. Did she expect me to pee and shit in that? Lying on the bed? I tried with all my might but I just couldn't.

5pm
Milo and wheat biscuits never tasted so good. I rushed to the toilet. And when I returned, Alec appeared! Gosh I was afraid I would suffer from amnesia and forget him. Come to think of it, I should have happily walked past him and pretended not to know him. See how he react. Ha! The nurse gave me the report on the spot. My colon is ok! Yay!!!! But did ligation so have to rest and for the first time in my life, I'm given 5 days MC. I can't mention that I drooled in case my boss reads my blog.

510pm
Went to collect medicine and the pharmacist kept staring at me as I gobbled the tuna pancake. I was hungry can. Then I started to lao sai indefinitely. Like the minute I walk out of the toilet, I needed to go back again. It was bad. My knees were soft. My anus hurt and my stomache hurt. That's it. I was permanently going to reside in the toilet at TTSH. Alec looked really helpless and after 3 times, he tried to persuade me to go to the toilet at B3. At least we could start inching towards the car. I asked if he minded if I lao saied in his car. He said he didn't. See? The power of love.

515pm
We hobbled to the foodcourt. Alec shamelessly asked the auntie from the drinks stall to help fill up my bottle with hot water. The power of love at work again. I recipocrated by wailing that the water was too hot. Alec then started to blow into the bottle. =) Now you see what I like about him? Sooo cute! But of course at that moment, I wasn't in the bestest of moods so I snapped at him and rolled my eyes and gave him the as -if-that-was-going-to-bloody-help look. I gulped down all the pills.

6pm
Fell asleep in the car. First thing I said when I woke up "I love painkillers". And alec's reply - "You don't love me anymore. You love painkillers." Aww.

730pm
Potatoes, tomatoes, carrots, vege, pork ribs and porridge. Yummy.

Did I mention that I'm still lao saiing indefinitely? Ouch.

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~ Cry for me. I'm losing my (anal) Virginity today ~

Gosh. Pls. Mr. Endoscope, will u pls be gentle with me? Pl.. Pleease???

Oh dear. I can't do this.

My goose bumps refuse to go down.

My heart is thumping wildly.

Even my facial hairs are perpetually erect.

Oh gosh I'm hyperventilating. I'm so stressed up. I think my bowels might just refuse to budge. I won't empty my intestines regardless of the piles of laxatives given. And who knows, the doctor might be so pissed with all the shit still in my intestines, he'll bar me from colonoscopy.

I suspect there is all likelihood that that would happen. Afterall, it has been 4 hrs since I took the laxative pills. And I don't feel a thing.

Gosh. How how how.

I was so so worried, I googled to find out exactly what the doctor would be doing to me tomorrow. On hindsight, I think I'm too smart for my own good. I found colonoscope.org and technically, that was when I started to hyperventilate.

You see that evil-looking doctor in the picture? He's not even opening his eyes! He's doing what they call Sedation.

" This is done by giving you medications through an IV, which will make you drowsy and decrease any pain. You may even fall asleep, but don't expect this. Often patients don't recall having the procedure at all. This effect is known as short term amnesia, and may result from some of the medications that are used. "

I'm about to be sodemised by an Endoscope, and I probably won't recall much after the ordeal?!!? Sounds scandalous!!! And if you look at the picture carefully enough, that evil-looking doctor only has 3 fingers! And the patient has got what, 3-4 fingers?!?! Are they sure colonoscopy is for ME? A 5-fingered human being???

"Once you are sedated, assistants will closely monitor you and record your vital signs. They will also assist the doctor and give medications to make you comfortable. Your colonoscopy will be accomplished using specialized instruments. A colonoscope is a long, flexible tube with a light and lens at the tip.

You will lay comfortably on your left side facing away from the doctor as the examination begins. A brief rectal examination will be done, then the scope will be placed into your anus and moved carefully around your entire colon."

OUCH.

And why lay on my left? Why not right?! Why???!! This is not making sense.

"Sometimes it's necessary to have you change position to help the scope pass easily. You may be asked to slowly roll to one side or on to your back. Occasionally an assistant will need to apply pressure with their hands on your abdomen to help the endoscope move forward. These are normal maneuvers."

Help the endoscope MOVE FORWARD? What does that mean?!!!?! Gosh I can almost feel the endoscope knocking against the walls of my intestines.

*FAINTS*

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Thursday, May 25, 2006

~ our ROM Wedding ~

See that oval thingy?

Well, that's where I got my title from.

Ha! I mean seriously anyone, anyone including a group of guys, can gather around the ROM area and still it doesn't have to imply anything.

We took loads of pictures with the bride and groom but I didn't manage to catch them on my camera phone. Anyway, Congratz to Ah Kian and Christine!

Soft Rebonding @ Magnitude and 6-hr coloring @ Pure Hair Salon.

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Monday, May 15, 2006

~ Love or Lust? ~

*DROOLS!!!*

Coach Bumblebee Hobo

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Friday, May 12, 2006

~ Systems Thinking & Me ~

Oh Gosh. I haven't had the chance to get into the swing of things in Singapore and here I am planning for my next Bangkok trip again.

Again.

In Systems Thinking, this is known as the vicious cycle. To effectively analyse the root cause of the problem, I applied the 5 Whys as follows:

1. Why do I frequent Bangkok? Cos I've been cursed with the Sawadiko Spell.
2. Why am I on the Sawadiko Spell? A prince has yet to save me and take me somewhere far far away.
3. Why hasn't a prince appear? I am not thin enough.
4. Why am I not thin enough? I eat more than I burn.
5. Why do I eat more than I burn? I'm greedy and I don't do enough exercise.

And so the link looks like this

Exercise & Diet --> Calories --> Weight ---> Prince ---> Bangkok

You may of course challenge the link between Weight and Prince. Surely not all princes are that weight conscious?! Well, you're wrong apparantly. I've been asking guy friends if they would prefer a 2-D girl with the figure of a washing board, or a terribly fleshy 3-D girl with a tummy and some grab-able boobs. All but one guy responded that they would prefer the former to the latter. So guys, especially Singaporean guys, have a thing for skinny girls. If you're wondering who that exceptional man is, well he is my dear Alec. And it's not difficult to understand why he chose the fleshy and tummilicious girl - he wanted to demonstrate consistency in his choice and his preference. Wails.

Anywayz, an effective solution shoiuld address the high leverage point and in the case, that's Exercise & Diet. People in general find this area a challenge due to a variety of reasons. These reasons can be analysed by using the MARS tool.

M for Motivation
Do I see any benefit in exercise and restricting food intake? Yes.
But why am I not doing so? Inertia. Lack of incentive. Plain laziness. I love to eat.
Solution: Buy new sports bra, new sports shoes, weight, caps, socks, and top, work out with engaging friends e.g. Alec's mum, avoid working out with friends who will psycho u to stop and tell u that u deserve a sumptous breakfast e.g. Alec. Ha!

Ability
Are you physically fit? Do you have the ability to resist the temptation of good food?
Fitness wise, I'm quite average. But no! Can't resist good food.
Solution: Think Big, Start Small! Start by brisk walking, then slow jog, and then increase your pace and distance gradually. The important thing is to be consistent. With regards to the intake of food, take fruits and vege before carbo and proteins. Eat small portions and chew well.

Role
Do you see exercise and diet as important responsibilities of a human being?
Errr... yes?

After the rigorous analysis, I arrived at my Blanket Solution - to restart my exercise and diet regime by putting on my prettiest sporting gear as a form of motivation, exercise with people who are highly engaging and distract you from fatigue, start eating fruits before my meals and learn to chew my food really slowly.

Just went for a 5km jog with Alec's mum and it is then that I realise I'm trapped in another vicious cycle.

The more I eat, the more weight I gain. The more weight I gain, the more I should exercise. The more I exercise, the hungrier I am. The hungrier I am, the more I eat. And the more I eat, the more weight I gain...

Bloody Hell.

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